Updated: Nov 26, 2020
I quote: "men just don't see what needs to be cleaned".
Someone told me the other day that men “just don’t see what needs to be done around the house. They just don’t see the dirt and mess.”
This type of thinking gives people excuses to behave a certain way. And one of the top 3 complaints I hear from my female clients is they would like more help around the house. They would like to feel like it’s not all their responsibility and not have to ask every – single - time.
So, if that’s how you feel, why are you deciding men can’t clean? Why are you deciding your kids can’t help you? Why are you deciding to take this all on yourself? Look, we were all born the same way and I can tell you this, I WAS NOT born to clean. Actually, I don’t know anyone who was born to clean. Think about being a kid again. Were you thinking about organizing your Tupperware drawer and scrubbing toilets? I know I wasn’t. All I wanted to do was ride my horse, see who could lay the longest patch on my bike, climb trees and pretty much be outside playing until sunset. Not once did I think about cleaning the kitchen. I was taught this. I learned this skill and I developed it over time. And I’m no one special, so if I can figure it out, so can any other human being – man, woman and child. So, here’s my offer to anyone out there that is feeling resentful and taken advantage of. Speak up. This does not mean you walk around dictating what needs to be done but this does mean you need to come to the table – negative emotions aside – and find a resolution for the problem. And you’re going to be nervous to do it. You’ll possibly be a little scared depending on your relationship. You may feel “mom guilt” for asking your kids to pitch in. And you may even be rejected. But at least you spoke up for yourself. You stood up for yourself and you had your back. Most times you and your partner/family will find a solution. Sometimes you won’t. It’s at those moments you need to decide how people will treat you, develop your boundaries and be willing to act on them when violated. So please, stop assuming a man can’t clean or “just doesn’t see it”. It’s demeaning to them and builds resentment for you. Please stop doing everything for your kids and allow them the opportunity to learn hard work and responsibility. And please, practice asking for help.
If this resonates, and you need a tool to help you communicate the need for more equality with the division of labor in your home, please sign up for our freebie: The Emotional Jug. 4-steps to effective communication ladies!
To confidence & courage,
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